N64 Games to get on the Wii Virtual Console

F-Zero X

If you like fast-paced racing games you probably already love the F-Zero series. I'd played the SNES one but that was it. Well X definitely blows that out of the water. Insane tracks with loops and jumps and tunnels, along with 30 racers in each race, and insane speed, add up to one intense experience. It has a really smooth framerate too which never stutters once. I wish more games focused on that nowadays (and even other Nintendo games of that time period didn't, see the next game for details).

Star Fox 64

The classic rail shoot-em-up from Nintendo. This, to me, is the natural 3D version of the 2D scrolling shmup. I don't want to say "evolution" because it's just different, not necessarily better or more advanced. Regardless, Star Fox 64 is an awesome arcade-style game with branching level paths, a (simple) scoring system, and a set number of lives. The major problem with the game is that it's plagued with slowdown. Like, all the time. I've tried the game with Project64, and it's a major difference compared to playing it on the Virtual Console. Now, it's not gamebreaking by any means, and during gameplay you probably won't notice it, but during cutscenes and particularly busy sections of the game when the screen is filled with explosions, you'll definitely see it. Still a great game though.

Sin & Punishment

This is another rail shooter, in the same genre of Star Fox, but also entirely different. It's more like a scrolling 3rd person shooter/platformer, with a melee weapon on top of it. This is made by Treasure, so it features many of their signature bosses and styles. I know some people might not be into that style, but for those of you who love Radiant Silvergun and Ikaruga, you'll definitely love S&P. It feels more like a shoot-em-up than perhaps even Star Fox, with actual bullet patterns and attacks to dodge, as well as memorization necessary for scoring the bonus items and amassing a large hit count. I'm still trying to 1cc this game, and it's really difficult to do. I heartily recommend this game to absolutely anyone who enjoys action games.

Oh yeah, I also own Mario 64, but I think everyone on earth knows the reasons that game is great. (although Galaxy is better)

The Big E3 Post

E3 is finally over. There have been tons of announcements and closer looks at upcoming games this past week, as well as press conferences from the big companies in the industry - most of them comically bad. If you've been following coverage, you probably know the main stuff, but there's lots of information that you might have missed. Let's get to it! I'll organize everything by Platform, and be forewarned that I'm mostly focusing on Wii/PC games, since that's what I was interested in and that's what I took notes about.

Microsoft - Xbox 360
Microsoft's press conference was one of the strongest this year. They announced ripoffs of both Home and the Mii. They announced a bunch of multiplatform games that they don't have much right to brag about. They showed off Gears of War 2 along with other muddy, grey shooters. They showed off a new Netflix deal for streaming movies which seems like it'll be very good for business. And, oh yeah, they forgot to mention, Square decided to release Final Fantasy XIII on the 360, instead of JUST the PS3. This move hurt some Sony fans as they've lost yet another big, system-selling exclusive. They're down to just a couple now: Metal Gear Solid 4, and God of War 3. Not that the 360 has any except the upcoming Ketsui port. Every big Xbox release comes out for the PC (see: Gears of War, Halo, Mass Effect, Bioshock, Geometry Wars...).

I was surprised at how many RTSes were shown off on the show floor for the 360. Why the heck do developers suddenly think that RTSes will work on a console without a mouse and keyboard? It never has in the past. It never will in the future. Even so, we got multiplatform Supreme Commander, Command & Conquer 3, Battle for Middle Earth, and Universe at War. And upcoming, shown off at E3, we have Halo Wars, EndWar, and Stormrise, all console RTSes that are doomed to failure. Well, Halo Wars will inevitably sell well and probably get praised by idiot press who've never played an RTS on a PC and have absolutely no concept of micro. The only interesting looking of these RTSes is EndWar because it seems to be entirely voice controlled. We'll see how that works out, but I have a hard time believing it will turn out that good. The games will inevitably be a lot slower than if you used a mouse because microing by saying "group 1 attack enemy tanks" is a helluva lot slower than clicking 1 and right clicking the tanks.

Among the (limited) PC gaming news was a KOTOR MMO. I'll pause so you can read that again and finish wiping the drool from your mouth. Done? Ok. There isn't anything else known at this time, but it has to be better than Star Wars Galaxies, right? It will be hard convincing myself to put down the monthly payment to play this, but I just might force myself to try. I just don't know though.

Another announcement is that the new WoW expansion, which believe me I do not care about, is getting achievements. Can I just ask, as I did after Valve introduced them to Steam, WHY?!?! Achievements are the most useless things I have ever heard of. Unless you actually get something for "unlocking" an achievement, what's the point? Some sort of goal to keep the game replayable? Well if your game isn't replayable without some sort of artificial achievements, then I think you have some problems with the game design. Then we have games like CoD4 and TF2 where prolonged play, or better play, or in the case of TF2 very strange play involving posing for freezecam shots (Autopsy Report) or killing spies after healing them (Hypocritical Oath), will result in getting better weapons or abilities. I HATE unlocking things in multiplayer games. Everyone ought to be on equal footing, right from the get-go, with only skill to separate players in the leaderboards. Giving any player an advantage over another, for any reason, seems unfair to me. What if I don't want to sit there grinding for achievements for an hour to get the Backburner? This isn't World of Warcraft! Oh wait...

Next on the PC we have Mirror's Edge. Holy Spaghetti does this one look amazing. It's a first-person free-running simulator. It also has some wicked cool krav-maga style gun disarms, but the game is really about running fluidly and keeping up momentum. It looks like a far more detailed version of Assassin's Creed's free running, along with a modern setting. Being first-person, they of course just had to add weapons to turn it into an FPS at times, but I know that I personally am never going to fire a shot. Gun disarm, melee, drop gun, keep running. It looks like the game will be entirely playable, and possibly more challenging, this way. I just can't wait. I sort of wish they had chosen to keep first-person shooting out of this game, though. It feels like they're pandering to an established genre/market when they could have something more unique on their hands. Portal, for instance, had no shooting whatsoever, and I feel it was the better for it. Maybe I'm just getting sick of all the generic grey FPSes coming out every week.

There was also a showing of Postal 3, which will come out for virtually every platform under the sun (including Linux!). This series has always been extremely offensive, but often in a wacky way. My favorite feature of the upcoming game is the weapon called "badger on a harness." It's literally a badger, with a harness, that you aim at stuff which will subsequently be destroyed by a badger. Pretty awesome.

Left 4 Dead and Spore were shown off on the show floor and at EA's press conference. Both continue to look amazing. Spore now has more species than exist in real life. The characters for Left 4 Dead have been changed, too. Now you can play as a gay biker! Look at the comparison shots and decide if you like the new characters better, or the old ones:
OLD - Beards aplenty, these guys are guaranteed to be tough lumberjacks or something; I think even the woman has a beard:


NEW - no beards, one gay biker with a droopy mustache and a woman that looks like Mila Kunis from That 70's Show:


I wonder if the Director AI is programmed to follow the script of every horror movie ever and kill the black guy first while letting the woman be the sole survivor - provided her shirt gets ripped at the midriff? Only time will tell. I predict everybody will be playing as the vietnam vet since he logically has the best chance to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Finally, on the PC side of things, we have Fallout 3. It definitely looks to be a good game, but I can't help but feel bad for fans of the original RPGs. Bethesda took a series of purely D&D style RPGs for the PC, and turned it into a gray console FPS with some sort of freeze-camera so you can get automatic headshots. I like FPSes, although I'm starting to get sick of the market being flooded by Halo and Gears of War ripoffs with regenerating health and only a couple weapons that can be carried at any given time, all coming to consoles - where FPSes have absolutely no place (Goldeneye, Perfect Dark and the Metroid Prime series notwithstanding; they had the good sense to focus on autoaiming completely). The Fallout series is known for dark postapocalyptic humor and a wide open world full of side quests and possibilities, so I can definitely say I'm looking forward to this.

Sony - PS3
Sony actually had a solid showing. They showed off their sales numbers and announcements using a custom LittleBigPlanet level, which was really awesome. That is one game that really makes me want a PS3. Sony also showed off a concept trailer for M.A.G., or Massive Action Game. Yes, that's apparently the title. It's a (surprise surprise) FPS featuring 256 players on a single server, somehow. I don't know how they'll pull this off without lag, but if they do it'll be pretty unique. Finally, Sony officially announced God of War 3, but who didn't see that coming?

Capcom
They talked about the Lost Planet movie. That was the entire press conference. I kid you not, a movie about a crappy game was the entire focus of their conference.

Ubisoft
They showed off the new Prince of Persia which looks very sweet. I especially like the "throw woman into the enemy like a projectile" attack. The art style is fantastic too, it looks like a watercolor painting.

Konami
I have to mention this press conference. Konami is coming out with a game called Rock Revolution which is obviously trying to compete with Rock Band (and doomed to failure). They had a Ramones cover band on-stage, who played a song presumably from the Ramones. I don't know music. Then, Konami had the band play the same song in Rock Revolution. The band failed the song after like 15 seconds. The entire audience laughed at them. Konami immediately said "the press conference is over now" and made everyone leave. Wow.

Nintendo - Wii

*Sigh* There's a lot to talk about in relation to the Wii. Not all of it good.

I guess I'll start with Nintendo's press conference. This was quite possibly the worst press conference in the history of E3. First a little background info: in the weeks leading up to E3, Nintendo had promised that they had announcements for the "core gamer" so that we wouldn't feel left out. They want to assure us that they do, in fact, care about hardcore gamers with a Wii, and not just grandmothers and 10 year olds. Everyone thought Nintendo would announce a new Kid Icarus, Pikmin, Star Fox, or Zelda. I'll go ahead and categorize the announcements made during Nintendo's press conference according to demographic.

The casual audience:
Wii Motion+
Wii Music
Animal Crossing
Shaun White Snowboarding

The hardcore audience:
Wii Speak
Animal Crossing
Shaun White Snowboarding
GTA on the DS

I'm being really liberal with the "hardcore audience" category because I have no interest in anything Nintendo announced except for Wii Motion+. Even disregarding that, Nintendo just had seriously weak announcements all around. I'll go into each one in more detail.

Wii Motion+ - the most exciting part of Nintendo's press conference. It's an attachment that increases the range of motion detection that the Wiimote is capable of. It supposedly allows for true 1:1 motion; that is to say, motion in-game that fully mimics the motion you do to the Wiimote in 3D space, down to the last detail. The current Wiimote is incapable of this even though many people thought it was possible from day one. It certainly should have been. Regardless, I'm really glad this functionality is finally here so we can get rid of the "gesture-based" button replacements and get down to the really innovative gameplay. Coming with this attachment is Wii Sports Resort, a sequel of sorts to Wii Sports. Reggie says this is "literally a day at the beach" and if you can't figure out what's wrong with that sentence, shame on you. Assuming you're NOT playing the Wii on an actual beach somewhere, but instead in your living room or something, the game offers more great minigames. Things like jet skiing and throwing a frisbee to a dog are nice, but what really has me excited is the swordfighting game. Yes, this game has Kendo, and it works with true 1:1 motion. From the hands-on impressions I've read, including one from an actual fencer, it works really well. Lightsaber game, here we come!

Animal Crossing - this is apparently a "hardcore" Nintendo game. Really? I thought you wandered around talking to animals and doing activities with no real goal or way to lose.

Wii Speak - finally, voice chat on the Wii! Actually I really don't care that much, I doubt I'd make a lot of use out of it, and Brawl will probably never support it. This is definitely useful for the hardcore gamers though, and the Conduit is already planning to use it.

Shaun White Snowboarding - I really don't care. It requires the Balance Board which I'll probably never get, and I don't like snowboarding. Seems kind of neat for people who are completely the opposite of me in both those aspects, though.

GTA DS - meh.

Wii Music - Oh boy, here we go. This game is without a doubt an absolute travesty that makes me almost lose all faith in Nintendo. This is a music game, obviously. Nintendo felt that it would be too difficult or complex to have players match on-screen note prompts, though. The result is that you have to move the wiimote as if you're pretending to play an instrument, and you can control the tempo and pitch of the on-screen music, but other than that the song will play itself. There is no way to hit a wrong note because the game always hits the right note. There is no way to lose. The only decent looking instrument might be the drums, but judging by the flailing awkward performance by Ravi Drums (that was his actual name), those will be really inaccurate and probably fail too.


This colorful display resulted in random beating of the drums on-screen with no rhythm or semblance of anything musical.

When asked if it was more of a "toy" than a "game", Shigeru Miyamoto could only say that, yes . . . it is more like a toy. That’s why it’s more fun than a video game. I guess Nintendo makes toys now and prefers that to video games. Ugh.

After the conference, Miyamoto offered a ray of sunshine in the developer roundtable by stating that the Mario and Zelda teams are working on projects. He also said "We are making Pikmin." So there will definitely be a new Pikmin!

However, he quickly dashed those hopes later at E3 by saying this:

"Frankly, some of the so-called 'franchise games' are quite difficult for nongamers to play, so making accessible games for these players is key. With Zelda, we have to consider how to make it accessible for new gamers to pick up and play and enjoy just as hardcore gamers have. For example, we’ve got the Touch Generations series. Now, we’re not necessarily going to make our 'franchise' games in that style, but we’ll take what we know and have learned — the philosophy behind those games — and incorporate it into franchise games. That’s a philosophy that’s very strong at Nintendo."

If that sounds good to you, you must be someone who's 70 years old, can't handle all the buttons of these newfangled video game machines, and yells at the "darn kids" to "get off the lawn."

At least the 3rd party showing for the Wii was irregularly strong. The Conduit looked really awesome for a pure Halo ripoff. It had a few cool and unique weapons and some of the best graphics I've seen on the Wii. It looks at least as good as Metroid Prime 3 or Mario Galaxy. I hope it has the gameplay to match.

Another big announcement this week was Gradius Rebirth for Wiiware. It's unknown whether this will be a remake or a new game, but it will feature 2D sprites and have Maoi Heads. I think that's enough to have me sold.

Madworld was also on display. This black and white game seems to focus exclusively on over the top violence and gore. The blood is the only bit of color in the whole game. I'm reserving judgment on this one, because blood, gore and violence don't make a good game. So far it seems like it's shaping up to be similar to No More Heroes, which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.

Oh yeah, guess what? Dead Rising is coming to the Wii. I can't wait! This zombie-killing simulator was one game I really wanted to play on the Xbox, and now I'll be able to!

Finally, we have the announcement of Onechanbara for the Wii. This was a Japanese PS2 game that's being localized and enhanced for U.S. Wiis and it should be all sorts of awesome. I think the subtitle, "Bikini Zombie Slayers" is enough to warrant interest, don't you?

Ok, that's pretty much all I have. There was lots more but this was all the stuff that interested me as a Wii owner and PC gamer. I think most of those PC games are coming to the Xbox too. Anyway that's it for me.

Classic PC Games

Yeah, E3 is going on right now, but I'll wait for it to finish before talking about it so I don't miss anything. For the record, Nintendo's press conference was seriously depressing. Nothing was announced that appeals to hardcore gamers or hardcore Nintendo fans. Hopefully they have something hidden for later this week.

Anyway, PC gaming. Pretty awesome? I would assert that it is pretty awesome!

Recently I've been going through some real classics for the first time in many years (or, in some cases, ever).

Descent Ultimate

Ultimate is essentially the "essential collection" of Descent I and II. It includes both games, in an updates engine. It's also based on the open source community upgrades of each game. Look around for it, it's a spectacular package. And as much as I love Descent III (which is now available on GameTap), the original two are better gameplay-wise. Much more corridor-crawling and key-card-fetching than the plot-oriented mission objectives of D3, and while that might make D3 sound more appealing, it just doesn't seem to flow as well. Maybe it's just me.

So who enjoys getting motion-sickness? Play Descent for a few hours. It's an FPS, in zero gravity, with full 360 degree movement in any direction and rotation on any axis. You go around exploring and finding key cards to open new doors and eventually unlock the door to the boss, all the while fighting enemy bots. Basically the same structure as Doom, but a lot cooler and more vomit-inducing. Seriously, at least go "find" the first Descent, somehow. It's probably not that hard to find and it's really awesome.

Deus Ex

I know I've written about this before, but I never got around to beating it last time and I'm just now getting back to it, starting over from the beginning. I have to say it's definitely growing on me. The aiming and control is still an issue, but it's mitigated if I just use stealth more, take about 20 seconds to wait for my crosshair to shrink enough that I won't miss my headshot on the guard walking slowly like a zombie on his 10 ft patrol route, and make sure to pick up every item I can lay my mechanical hands on, I'm having more fun with it. Exploration is actually rewarded with awesome new weapons, too! I went into a (completely optional) Hotel area to rescue some hostages from terrorists, and happened to find a bad-ass Flamethrower in there. I had to dump half my inventory to make room for it (RE4, anyone?) and I haven't actually needed to use it yet (I haven't been close enough to an enemy who wasn't already a corpse to hit them with the jet of searing hot flame), but anyway it's a Flamethrower, so that's cool. I also entered this terrorist warehouse a different route this time through that level, and managed to find a sweet assault rifle on one of the guards that made that level about fourteen times easier.

Also the AI is pretty friggin' dumb in Deus Ex, I'm sorry, but it's true. If you shoot them and fail to kill them, they just start flailing their arms like kermit the frog and running in circles or bumping into walls.


Alright, maybe it's more like this:

You know, same thing.

Diablo 2

ATTACK OF THE COWS

In anticipation of Diablo 3, I'm playing Diablo 2 for the first time ever. It's pretty good, I guess. From what I've seen, all the issues I have with the game will be fixed in D3, so that's good news.

Basically, this is a game where you click on things and your character attacks them. Or you click on loot to pick it up. Or you click on NPCs to talk to them. Or you click to move around. Basically what I'm saying is I have carpal tunnel?

Descent: Freespace

Despite the name, the only thing Freespace has in common with Descent is the developer and the fact that it features spaceships. Not the same spaceships, though. Also it has some kick-ass box art, even if it's unreleated to Descent's kick-ass box art.

Freespace takes place in . . . wait for it . . . space. "Free" space, actually. You fly around in space inhabited by deadly alien spaceships and questionable physics (but really, what space game has realistic physics outside of Space Shuttle sims?). You shoot lasers and missiles at enemies and try to kill them. It's really fun, but still not as good as Freespace 2. Freespace 2 hits GameTap this thursday, and I will be promptly replacing Freespace on my hard drive with #2 because it is superior in every way.

Although I should really just download the upgraded, open source version of FS2 which looks twenty-seven times better:

Seriously, if you like space combat, download FS2: Open. It's free and legal and looks amazing. It's also the greatest space combat game ever created, unless you count Dodonpachi which I don't because that's a totally different genre. If I did count it, though, it would totally win.

Day of Defeat: Source

Last weekend, Valve hosted a free trial weekend for Day of Defeat: Source. It was free to download and play all weekend, and the normal price of $9.99 was cut to $4.99. I've been meaning to try the game out, but never got around to it, and I can say that I'm sorry I've been missing out for so long. I might just like this one better than Counterstrike: Source! I bought it after a very enjoyable weekend.

Ok, so if you're not familiar with the game, I'll explain a little. It's an online-only multiplayer team-based FPS set in World War II. The original Day of Defeat was a Half-Life mod, just like Team Fortress and Counterstrike, and Valve decided to buy out the mod developer and create an official version for the Source engine. Although many players of the original games continue to decry the Source-based updates of the classic mods, often for "simpler" or "dumbed-down" gameplay, I happen to think Valve has done an amazing job with these games. But then, Valve hasn't made anything I don't like yet. I digress. The gameplay of Day of Defeat: Source is, at first glance, not very unique. It has class-based team gameplay similar to Team Fortress 2, you have to capture flag points or plant explosives just as in Counterstrike: Source or TF2, and the weapons kill quickly with no health or ammo pickups, just as in Counterstrike. These similarities are really superficial, though, when you look at the actual flow of the gameplay and the key differences that set DoD:S apart.

Firstly, DoD:S features two important gameplay additions. Up first is sprinting.

This seems similar to the sprinting found in the Call of Duty series, and I don't know which came first. Regardless, it lets you run much faster than normal, with the downside that you can't shoot while sprinting. Sprinting also quickly decreases your stamina meter, so you can only sprint for a few seconds before you become tired, and need to walk normally, or stay still, for a few additional seconds to bring your meter back up. This definitely helps balance the game, because the sprinting really makes you move fast and helps a lot dodging enemy fire or escaping from grenades. If you know that a sniper is waiting for you or a machine-gunner could open up on your position as soon as you leave cover, sprinting erratically might be the only way to progress. This greatly speeds up gameplay that might otherwise be the same slow, methodical pace as Counterstrike.

The second gameplay difference is the prone position. Again, I think this is in Call of Duty, but that's not important. When standing normally, your gun has a lot of recoil. I mean, if you think the AK in CS has recoil, just try out the support rifle in DoD and you'll know what I mean. It's possible to counter the recoil when spraying, but it's difficult. This only really works well with the assault rifle because of its fast rate of fire and decreased recoil. Anyway, laying prone will greatly reduce this recoil, which can be crucial to scoring more kills. It also greatly lowers your profile, and in dark areas of the map or around corners it can help you stay a little more hidden from a distance while you pick off noobs. Lying prone also allows machine-gunners to mount their weapon when there's nothing else (like a sandbag pile or windowsill) to mount it on. Of course, the downsides of lying Prone are that you don't move very fast at all; the transition from standing to prone takes some time during which you are totally vulnerable and cannot fire; you can only fire while not moving while prone, so that if you try to move around a corner you need to stop moving to actually fire, and at close range you'll have a much harder time killing someone because you have to look all the way up to their upper body for the killing shot while they have your entire upper body lying right in front of their sights, not to mention the decreased mobility. All in all, a balanced proposition.


So what about the classes? They're actually pretty unique to this game as well.

First up is the Rifleman class. The rifle is a slow rate of fire, high damage weapon. Think of a sniper rifle without the scope. It's deadly at medium to long ranges, and includes an iron sight, although aiming is sometimes more effective without it. These guns also have high recoil, making them hard to use at close range firefights. Definitely a strong support and defensive weapon, but you won't be mowing down dozens of enemies with one of these guys. It's a pretty cool and unique weapon for an online FPS, and works well to bridge the gap between the other classes.

Next is the assault class. After playing last weekend, I checked the Steam forums, and it seems this class has gotten a big buff in the latest update, which some claim to make it unbalanced. I can see their point but I think the balance is fine. Basically, this class sports two types of grenades (smoke and frag) as well as an automatic gun for short to mid-ranged use. It has high rate of fire and moderate recoil, but weak damage per shot. Secondary fire is a strong punch for really close-quarters combat. I love playing this class, and it's true that this class is versatile and lets you rack up the kills, much like the soldier in TF2. Mainly, the assault class is used for breaking through defensive lines and capturing flag points. As an offensive class, though, it falls short at defending, and is weak to long range support classes like the sniper, rifle, or machine-gunner. Because the recoil is weaker, I've found it easy to spray at an enemy while controlling the recoil for more effectiveness. The smoke grenades are great for busting machine-gunner and sniper nests too, and play a crucial role in winning a lot of games.

The support class sports an automatic rifle similar to the assault class. It has better power per shot but a lot more recoil, though. With secondary fire, it can double as a weak rifle by switching to a more accurate semi-automatic mode with a much lower rate of fire. I'm not a big fan of this class, because it just seems like a cross between the rifle and assault classes but with the worst of both worlds. Weaker than the rifle, and less accurate than the assault. This is used for medium-range firefights and covering the assault players as they rush forward. This is the one class that is seems redundant.

Next is the Sniper. Every FPS needs a sniper, right? Well, this is the same old story. You have a sniper rifle. Most of the time it seems like a 1-hit kill to me. The sniper also has a pistol for close range encounters, and it's not a bad gun. Not much else to say; the sniper is clearly a useful part of any defending force.

The machine-gunner. I'll admit I haven't gotten a chance to play this class yet. This is because there are only 2 machine-gunners allowed on a team at any one time, which is the main balance to this class. This class comes with a heavy machine-gun turret that you can set up on the ground or on a piece of scenery like a window-sill or pile of sandbags. It has great rate of fire and big clips, and will tear apart anyone unlucky enough to enter the field of vision of the gunner. Since it can only be fired accurately when mounted, though, machine-gunners are immobile and only face one general direction, making them very vulnerable to flanking maneuvers. A lot of people in-game (noobies like myself) were crying that this class was unfair "like the heavy in TF2" because it can sit there and rack up kills, but that seems ridiculous to me. Classes serve particular roles. It's a defensive class. It has weaknesses just like the heavy. Learn to deal with it. If I get killed by a machine-gunner, I don't think "crap that was cheap", I think "crap, I need to find a way past that machine-gunner position" and then I might switch to assault and toss down a smoke grenade, or switch to sniper and take him out from long range. Or find an alternate rout and come at him from behind. All in all, a very useful and balanced class for those who like to sit in one place and rack up kills.

Finally, we have the rocket trooper. He's equipped with a rocket launcher, but plays very differently from the soldier in TF2. For one, he has to shoulder the launcher before firing, which takes a moment and makes his movement very slow. This means no rocket jumps, no spamming loads of rockets, and also means lots of vulnerability. This class is mainly used for cracking defensive positions or getting people behind cover. I don't play it that much because it's just not as hectic and fun as assault, but it has a purpose and it's very balanced.


This is getting a little long-winded, so I'll make the next part brief. The flow of gameplay and map design. This is what makes DoD:S really stand out. On a 32-player server, this can be an amazingly fun game. Each map has several flag points you need to capture, and holding each one simultaneously results in a win. Capturing most points only requires one guy to stand near it for a second or two. It's very fast. Only one or two points on each map usually require two members of a team to be near it for several seconds before a capture takes place, and these are strategically located in heavily contested center areas. Each map contains many different routes to each flag point. If the enemy has set up a strong defense in the central area, you can bet there's some sort of back path that will let you flank them. This is what makes the game so darn fun. It feels like each individual player has the capacity to alter the entire game by a clever strategic flank, or through superior positioning. With good teamwork, a superior team could completely dominate any random group of players because of how important class counters and map positioning is in this game. This is one game where tactics and strategy can clearly trump superior accuracy and reflexes, much like TF2, but with the difference that accuracy and reflexes do help a lot more in DoD:S than TF2.

Alright, I'm done. Go give the game a try, it's super-cheap and really awesome!

Apparently Shmups Suck! Who Knew?

Let's take a quick look at Metacritic scores here, shall we? What follows is just about every american-released shmup that has an average score listed on Metacritic. I've selected review excerpts from most of them that pissed me off, not because they just criticized the game, but because they displayed horrible ignorance of Shmups as a genre. I in fact left out any negative review excerpts that criticized the game and made a fair point about it. I also obviously left out positive review excerpts, of which there were several for each game. Keep that in mind as you read on.



Raiden III: 61
-Review excerpts that piss me off:

"A purebred '80s throwback, Raiden III hasn't a chance of competing with exciting modern shooters - or even the classics of yesteryear."

"The game is too short, and doesn’t sport enough play options to keep it fresh past a few hours of play. "

"The game doesn't take long enough to beat, there's no real reason to play it again, and there isn't anything even remotely special about the experience."

Gradius III and IV: 64
-Review excerpts that piss me off:

"Only enjoyable if you equate fun with frustration, but most gamers have long since outgrown that philosophy, as have most games. Yet Gradius III and IV clings to its roots like a long rotting tooth."

"Two arcade perfect ports of games that will get stale within a short few minutes. Back then, way back then, this may have been revolutionary but on the PS2 it's almost like an insult to the grown intelligence of gamers."

"Meritless in terms of taking their genre forward or, worse even, invoking the warm glow of nostalgia. Spend £15 on a NES and the original games instead." (I'd like to point out that neither of these two games were on the NES. Or on any home console until this collection on the PS2, in fact. And Gradius on the NES was a joke compared to the two masterpieces of Gradius III and IV)

"Old-school graphics and unprecedented difficulty level make this one a loser for all but the most dedicated retro-game freaks. "

Chaos Field: 61, 63 (DC, GC respectively)
-Review excerpts that piss me off:

"It's like fighting a fireworks display. Sometimes the enemy blows up. Sometimes you do. There's no strategy; no hook that makes you think about how you'll do better next time."

Triggerheart Exelica: 63
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"Despite the enjoyment of slinging bad guys around like giant wrecking balls, Triggerheart's indecisive difficulty, average looks and short length render it a bad choice for any but the most devoted shooter fans."

"Like most arcade shooters, the experience is brief. The challenge is there for those who would like to memorize attack patterns and master the five levels, but there isn't anything that feels exciting."

"I enjoyed Triggerheart, but the game's length is both a good and bad thing -- it has only five levels, and most players will be able to beat them all in about 30 minutes."

Castle Shikigami 2: 67

Castle Shikigami 3: 67
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"If this were a downloadable title on WiiWare, Xbox Live Arcade, or PlayStation Network, it's a safe bet that we'd be telling you to go fire up your console and start it downloading right now."

"Castle of Shikigami III is a great title for people who enjoy the occasional classic, arcade-style game. However, it has a decided lack of content and doesn't offer much beyond the initial experience."

"The mere fact that it fills a niche on the Wii doesn't excuse this disappointing lack of substance. "

Under Defeat: 67
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"Inarguably, what Under Defeat does, it does very well. The execution is perfectly pitched and it clearly ticks each and every box the developers drew up on the ideas table. But it's hard to shake the feeling that this is '80s gaming dressed in '00s visuals running on '90s hardware. The gameplay is sweet and eloquent but, underneath it also tired and relentlessly derivative."

Thunder Force V: 70

Gradius Collection: 76
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"Twenty years ago, it would have been worth forty bucks. But today, it’s just another obsolete space ship, grounded in favor of better, faster rockets."

"If you love slow, old-fashioned gameplay, you'll be in heaven here. "

"The Gradius Collection will mainly appeal to fans who want to relive those old school memories; I can't see many new gamers being hooked on Gradius, even though it's a fun experience."

R-Type Final: 79

Gradius V: 82
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"Even though its more visually polished than some of the other shooters out there, the lack of innovation and the small number of seven stages makes Gradius V a must for fans of the series only."

"It's just too bad that there isn't much to it beyond the standard gameplay. "

"About the only things that keep the game from scoring higher is the lack of any meaningful innovation in the gameplay and the fact that the game only has seven stages to play."

Ikaruga: 81, 85, 88 (DC, GC, 360 respectively)
-Review excerpts that pissed me off:

"As fun as it starts out to be, it gets old rather quickly. Fortunately or unfortunately, the game is extremely short, and on its easiest mode can be completed in about an hour."

"A perfect example of why shooters have become such a niche genre. It's a good game that's well made. It's even got an interesting hook to keep the hard core happy. But the insane difficulty will keep most players from getting past the first level before giving up. And with the ultra-short playing time, even shooter fans might not find enough to like here."


Summary of Criticisms


Shmups are "retro" or "old school"; "not modern"
Shmups were once one of the top genres of games on consoles and in arcades all over the world. To this day, companies such as Cave, Seibu Kaihatsu and Alfa System continue to develop and release shmups in Japanese arcades, but in America and Europe they have become much rarer. The reason this criticism pisses me off is because new shmups are being released all the time! If you say Gradius V is a "retro throwback" and that it "isn't modern" is ridiculous because the game was released in 2004! If an average reviewer decided to play Cave's newest shmup, Dodonpachi Daifukkatsu, I can guarantee he or she would mention how it's such a "retro" game even though it came out about a month ago as of this writing! It includes new features compared to other shmups and Cave has always pushed the genre forward, albeit slowly. A game released this year cannot be "not modern."

Saying a shmup released this year is retro is like saying that one of the dozens of FPSes released last year (like Bioshock, or Half-Life 2: Episode 2, or Crysis, or CoD 4) is retro because FPSes have been around since Doom in 1993. "Hey, you walk around with a gun in a first-person perspective and shoot things," on the most basic level the most modern FPSes haven't really changed that formula. So it is with shmups. "Hey, you just fly around in a 2D plane and shoot enemies and dodge bullets," and on the most basic level modern shmups are the same. That's what a genre is!

Shmups are too short
Ugh, I hate this one. So, most shmups are between 5 and 7 stages in length (not counting loops) which usually equates to about 30-45 minutes of gameplay time to beat it in a single run. Criticizing shmups for this trait, however, shows a real ignorance about the genre and about arcade games in general. Sure, if you get a shmup and just play through it, continuing every time you get a game over, until you hit the end, you might think "wow, that was fast." But that's not how they are meant to be played. For arcade games, and shmups specifically, the aim is for high scores. To achieve the highest theoretical score, you will need to beat the entire game without using any continues because continuing resets your score each time. To truly "beat" a shmup, you need to beat it without continuing. This is called a 1CC, or "1-credit-completion." To accomplish this requires considerable skill and often memorization, but above all PRACTICE. While it's true that you can continue through a shmup in 30 minutes, to actually beat it properly by 1CCing it, will take you considerable more time. Often 20-30 hours of total play time, depending on your skill level. To put it into perspective, I played Ikaruga on the easiest possible settings for over 25 hours before 1CCing it. I don't even consider that 1CC to be legitimate because it was not done at default settings. Under default settings and in easy mode I'm lucky to even make it to level 4. I played those 5 levels over and over and over until I could survive for longer and longer, and rack up chains to get a decent score as well. I think my 1CC score was around 13 million, which is still horrible considering the world high score is around 40 million.

Anyway, my point is, properly beating a shmup takes just as much time as beating an average FPS or even some shorter RPGs. It is just ignorant to complain about how short shmups are. Playing the game right means replaying each level over and over, trying to improve your run each time and get just a little further. In fact I advise not continuing, ever. That way each time you get a little further in the game you will see new levels and areas and enemies and bullet patterns. In my experience this helps you improve faster, too.

Shmups are too hard to be enjoyable
If you're too much of a wuss to play a shmup, don't cry that the game is too frustrating. Maybe the problem is you. Seriously, keep practicing, get better, and you'll enjoy making progress. Of course shmups are hard games. That's a part of their inherent awesomeness. The entire fun comes from bettering yourself. The only time this criticism is valid is when a game is unfairly difficult and where there was nothing you could do to prevent death. A small number of shmups do fall into this catagory; namely, most things made by Psikyo and Raizing. But even those games aren't really that bad.

Shmups don't have enough content outside the main game
When was it that gamers started caring more about the extra content that come with games than they do about the games themselves? I remember when you got a game, and that was all you got. Does Contra III have online multiplayer and bonus movies and storyboards and making-of documentaries and a thousand extra levels? No, it has 6 stages and a couple difficulty levels. And it's still a FINE game. What about one of my favorites, Star Wars: Jedi Knight 2? It's a 3D PC game that came out in 2002. It featured a single player campaign, and a (amazing) multiplayer component. That's it. So why is it that shmup reviews can honestly say "The gameplay is great! It's really fun! It has a deep scoring system! But wait, the game only comes with 5 levels. It has no extra content! Waaaa! 60/100!' If the game is FUN, then that makes it a GOOD GAME.

This is like when reviewers take away points on games lacking online multiplayer. Why don't you judge the game based on what's there, not what isn't? Now, I won't complain about extra content if it's included. The recent Blast Works on the Wii features an extensive level editor and 4 other shmups that were ported from the PC, besides the main game. Hey, that's great. But I wouldn't have cried if they had only released the main game with no other extras. I've heard it's a solid shmup with improvements over its predecessor Tumiki Fighters.

My point is, extra content is a nice bonus, but really not that important.

Shmups have no storyline
So what? If I want a storyline I'll play an RPG. Or better yet, read a book. I play shmups to dodge friggin' bullets!



Time to end this rant in the way any shmup-related article should end: with this immortal quote from Winston Churchill:

"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."

What am I playing right now?

Over the past couple weeks I've been in an RTS mood so I've been playing Supreme Commander, Starcraft, and Dawn of War a lot. Check out some of these Korean pro Starcraft matches, they're really exciting to watch, complete with hilarious English commentary by Tasteless! Also who else is excited for Starcraft II?



I've also been playing lots of MechWarrior 3, the best mech game in existence. Also if anyone wants to challenge me to some megamek let me know.

I've been working my way through Metal Gear Solid 3 on the PS2. In terms of gameplay it's probably the best one yet, although the story seems a little lacking compared to the other two. I'm not at the end yet, though, so I'm sure there will be lots of plot twists to change my mind in the near future.

I'm also still plodding through Mass Effect but the only motivation I have to play it lately is that I payed $50 for the thing.

Finally, I'm stuck on the final boss in Metroid Prime, called... uh, Metroid Prime.

Thar she blows


This boss is a tough one. I can get through most of its attack patterns without taking much damage, but when I get to Prime's final form, it becomes exceedingly difficult to hit it without taking damage.

Today marks the release of the Spore Creature Creator. It runs on crappy integrated graphics cards as well as intel macs (and thus probably linux very soon), so there's absolutely no reason not to try out the free trial. Download it and have fun creating horrible affronts to nature and watching them struggle with their miserable existence!

More Mass Effect Impressions

Well, after a lot more time with the game, here's some updated impressions:

combat is getting really boring. It basically amounts to sitting behind cover and clicking on enemies until they are dead. If they get too close I might have to back up, smack them with my gun to knock them down, or use a tech/biotic power to destroy them before getting back to clicking on enemies from cover. There is absolutely no more depth than this.

the story missions kind of suck. I'm intentionally doing every side quest because I don't want to do the story missions. The story missions are consistently about excessive and long combat sequences and driving sequences. Over and over. For a long time. And occasionally there's NPCs to talk to and do a few small side quests in the middle of it. It's basically the same structure of KOTOR (which wasn't bad in that game) but because of the boring combat and driving, it just falls apart.

In fact, everything besides the conversation (which isn't much more advanced than KOTOR) is pretty dull. The inventory sucks too, I'm constantly reaching the 150-item maximum limit, which forces you to convert any NEW items you pick up into omni-gel. You get no choice in this as far as I can tell. So if you hit the item limit but you pick up some sweet items at the same time, and you want to convert some old useless items into omni-gel and save the new ones, you just can't. You can't (as far as I know) just 'not' take stuff from a storage locker; you have to take an item or convert it to omni-gel. The inventory list is awkward too. I hear it's an improvement over the one on the xbox, but if so I'd just hate to see how much worse it could be. There's basic categories by item type, but within those categories can be as many as 20 or 30 items just laying around. This is especially true in the weapon upgrade items, because I rarely go into that item category unless I'm actively upgrading a weapon, so there can be a hundred ammo types just sitting there that you'll rarely even see until you need to lighten your inventory.

Also, unlike KOTOR's vast assortment of weaponry, from vibroblades to lightsabers to stun batons to blaster pistols to disruptors to sonic blasters to bare hands, in Mass Effect there are literally just 4 weapons: pistol, rifle, shotgun, sniper. I don't know how Bioware could have taken such a large step backward in its game design compared to KOTOR, but Mass Effect feels like such an unpolished game it's sad. I really think the entire reason this game was praised so highly by major gaming press was that it plays like a slightly more complicated version of Gears of War, but with a storyline that copies KOTOR. Hence, the phrase that I like to use to describe Mass Effect:

GEARS OF KOTOR